Stop telling me "I have time"

Growing up, we are always told that we need to figure out what we want to do as a career early so that we feel like we have a path to follow in life. And in other aspects of life there is a conflicting discussion over whether to ‘settle down’ or ‘focus on your career’.

I was one of those who has always been told to focus on my career, I have most definitely put my career ahead of settling down because of my ambitions of being an actor and now being part of film crew. Both of which are undeniably demanding careers and when you’re busy, you are REALLY busy. This doesn’t leave much room for finding true love and getting married with a picket fence.

But the older I have gotten, the more I see my friends settling down and even starting to think of having children of their own! In the space of a month I have been to two weddings, where everyone I have spoken to/gone to said wedding with is happily settled and is getting married/thinking of children. So you can see where my single-as-hell self is getting a bit anxious.

But I still find that I am being told the same thing from EVERYBODY.

You have time. You’ll find someone. Don’t rush it, it will happen when it’s meant to.

And you want to know the real punch to the gut feeling here? This is coming from MARRIED OR HAPPILY SETTLED PEOPLE.

I know I have time, Brenda. But when you are slowly becoming the only single person you know, it is hard to ignore that little voice that tells you “crazy old cat lady”. Especially when you have been wanting that married family life for longer than you care to openly admit.

With every day I get closer to being 26, I become more aware of my time limit to being able to have my own family. And while I know that some women can get pregnant until their mid thirties… I don’t want that. I don’t want to be a mother with a young child in my mid thirties. Say I have a child at 35, when they are 10 I will be 45, I will be 50 when they are still a teenager. The idea of that really unsettles me. I have the upmost respect for those who do have children at a later age, but for me personally, I don’t want to risk being too old that I won’t see my own children have kids.

Wanna see some fun facts? Between the ages of 20-24 (a time I have passed), there is 90% of eggs that are classed being ‘normal’, according to Parent's.com, making this the prime time to conceive a healthy baby. Moving up to 25-29 (My current position) that 90% lowers down to 86% of conceiving (AFTER TRYING FOR A YEAR) and a 10% chance of miscarrying. From 30 years and above the percentage of conceiving a healthy baby may not lower substantially, but the chances of miscarriage rises which doesn’t help to balance the odds.

I’ve already passed that prime time of having kids, I clearly missed the memo to get pregnant because so many around me are doing it.

Now, before you tell me, I know that I shouldn’t complain because I have freedom to choose what I do with my own body. It could be worse, I could have those rights taken away with me like the poor women of Alabama. Their rights to their own body have been taken from them, and that should never be allowed.

NOT YOUR BODY, NOT YOUR OPINION

But that’s the thing. This is my body, not yours. Why should I be so concerned by what others think I should do with my life, instead of just going for what I want to do?

What I DO want to do, is to remove that pressure of needing to do one thing by a certain time or that you don’t need to think about settling down etc because ‘you have time’.

I have been encouraged to focus on a career for the majority of my life. And while I am greatly appreciative of my family for pushing me to strive for what I want to do in life regarding my career, my maternal instincts and desire to find “my person” is growing too strong and I worry far more than I know I should as to whether I will ever have that life.

Of course, turn the story around and say I was being pushed to settling down. And say I didn’t want kids? To try and convince a woman how they should live their life is removing their rights as a woman. I know plenty of women who do not desire to ever get married or have children. AND THATS OK! It is their choice. What they do with their bodies is not anyone’s business except for their own.

Just let people pursue what they want. Don’t indicate “you have time” or “you need to start thinking about settling down” because you don’t know what is going on in that persons life. You don’t know what THEY want and what THEY need to do. Some want to grow a family, some want to grow a career, some aspire to do both.

No one should ever try to determine what another individual does with their time, their bodies and their lives.

So here ends my opinion on the topic, what are your thoughts? Let me know. Am I alone in feeling this way?

Until next time,

R xoxo