I have been an out and proud bisexual since I was at least in my twenties, perhaps when I was nineteen, but on a daily/weekly/monthly basis I am defending myself and justifying my sexuality to those who identify as anything but the bi+ umbrella. This is because on a frequent basis, every person who identifies as anything other than bisexual/pansexual etc thinks that depending on who we are dating at the time determines whether we are gay or straight.
When I first came out to my family and friends, I don’t think they took me too seriously. And why would they? All of my relationships up until that point had been with men, so I can see exactly where they were coming from. Even to this day I do still get asked by people who know I am bisexual “so, have you actually had sex/been in a relationship with a girl?”
No, I haven’t had sex with a girl, and I haven’t been in a relationship with a girl. But that doesn’t stop the fact that I would. It doesn’t stop the fact I am attracted to women as much as I am to men. It doens’t stop the fact I am bisexual.
A while ago i spoke to bisexual activist regarding bisexual topcis, because I will be filming a documentary based on bisexuals within film and tv, and something we discussed was the fact that only 12% of bisexual men were out of the closet. Paul Twocock the director of campaigns at Stonewall says that LGB people still don’t feel comfortable with coming out.
As a bisexual woman, I may be biased, I find that this is particularly true for bisexuals. When someone who is gay or a lesbian comes out, no one questions it. No one says “you’re just experimenting” or “it’s just a phase”, so when they do come out they have that freedom of not needing to worry about justifying their sexuality. Bisexuals need to justify their sexuality to everybody.
When was the last time you told a gay man- go on then. Prove it. Or that you told a lesbian- you’re just going through a phase.
Other members of the LGBT community do not get the same kind of disrespect that Bisexuals get. Of course, that’s not to say that the other members of the LGBT community do not get hassle, because that is just ridiculous. But they DO NOT get hassle from other members of the community nearly as much, if at all, compared to bisexuals.
Remember Pocahontas? That song where both tribes/communities are calling the other a savage?
I was listening to it the other day and my IMMEDIATE THOUGHT was “oh wow, you could totally change this to modern day but with sexualities.
Now, imagine the lyrics but put the rest of the LGBT community as the tribe on the left, and heterosexuals as the English blokes on the right (because of COURSE they would be the ones starting trouble) but imagine they are singing to an entity in the middle… THAT my friend, would be the Bisexual community!
I won’t lie, I giggle to myself when I hear Savages now because I can’t stop thinking about how correct it is in this scenario.
For real… listen to it!
But all that aside, when will bisexuals stop needing to justify themselves to not only to straight people, but to the rest of the LGBT community?
What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments.
Did you listen to Savages and find my analogy funny? I do xD
Until next time,